I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You're a waste of cheezeits
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
