Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
