You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
