Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
