Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
