Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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