Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
