you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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