did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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