The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
