He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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