are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
