Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
