you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
