your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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