Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
