What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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