omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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