dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
