Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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