I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We left the knife in your bed.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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