I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
