boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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