She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize