Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
