These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
