Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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