Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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