I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
