her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
