Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Randomize
