I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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