I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
