Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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