When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
a search helicopter?!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
