You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize