What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
