stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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