Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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