Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
