Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
