i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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