Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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