We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
