Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
