god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
