Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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