ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My balls are so social today.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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