Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I've blown a few things in my day
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
