Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize