So drunk its hurt
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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