3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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