So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
