fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
