i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
