the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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