I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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