we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
