just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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