I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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