I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
