I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize