see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You're like the curious george of whores
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
