I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
