i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
